"Aaram se" , I heard a mother's soft words of encouragement to her toddler, who had stumbled while learning to walk. A doting father looked on, his eyes filled with love, arms half-extended, ready to help but holding back just enough to let the child learn. There was no shame when the child fell. No disappointment. Only warmth, encouragement, and great pride in every faltering step.
In those tender moments, I experienced the purest kind of support, love without judgment, patience without pressure.
As parents, we celebrate every “first” , the first word, first step, first day at school. We cheer, support, hold hands, wipe tears. Our children grow surrounded by unconditional love, where trying matters more than succeeding, where effort is everything.
We take pride in those moments by cheering at every word spoken, and raving about every step taken. The efforts of our children are celebrated without looking for perfection. We aren't ashamed when they fall instead, we rush to help them get up each time they fall.
But somewhere along the way, things change.
That same child who was encouraged and not looked down upon while stumbling is suddenly thrown into a world where stumbles are embarrassing. A world where grades define their worth and where ranking above peers becomes the measure of success. And slowly, joy gives way to pressure, laughter becomes rare, and childhood becomes a race. Somewhere between school ranks or grades, college GPAs and job interviews, between peer comparisons and societal expectations, the joy of learning is replaced with the sorrow of failure.
A sense of fierce competition which was initially subtle slowly becomes becomes suffocating even as we begin to compare, "Look at her / him , why aren't you like that? Instead of asking, " What is holding you back?", " Do you need any help?" or saying, " Just do your best and "Hang on", we begin questioning our children, "Are you really working hard? “Are you the best?” And when the answer is no, it’s met with disappointment, pressure, anger or worse, just silence.
Children are also engulfed in these pressures of the new age.
Recent news of teenage anxiety disorders, depression and suicide have been a cause of concern and serve as a stark reminder of the immense pressure our young people are experiencing. It is a tragic reflection of the environment we have created. These are not failures of individuals but perhaps they are failures of a culture that has forgotten how to nurture and encourage to live.
We need to overcome the pressure to constantly prove our worth through achievements and accolades. We need to question why have we tied our worth to grades, salaries, and ranks?
Why as a society have we forgotten that each individual is different, has different capacities with their own pace and path? Why do we shame those who don't make it or those who choose to simply be rather than constantly prove themselves ? We need to figure out why did we start equating a child’s report card with their entire future? When did we begin to believe that only the toppers, the ten-pointers, the winners, and most beautiful deserve to feel proud?
And more importantly, why does this happen?
No doubts it's a complex interplay of societal factors. There is no denial of the fact that, the world in which we live now emphasizes more on external validation like grades, titles and material possessions. Social media, while connecting us in many ways, also inadvertently fuels a culture of comparison, where curated highlight reels can leave us feeling inferior. The education system, while aiming to foster growth, inadvertently prioritizes marks over the joy of learning itself. And , even well-meaning parental aspirations sometimes get translated into unintentional pressure by parents.
But let's pause and reflect , Is life truly just a race, or is it an opportunity to savour the breathtaking beauty around us? Think of the vibrant hues of a sunset adding beauty to the sky, the quiet strength of the mountains standing tall, the lovely rhythm with which waves of the ocean meet the shore, the laughter shared with loved ones that spreads warmth.These moments and connections are the very essence of life, aren't they? They nourish our souls in ways that a report card or a promotion just cannot.
So what can we do to consciously shift our focus, for ourselves and for the generations to come? Shouldn't we start nurturing the intrinsic joy of learning and celebrating effort and resilience once again? What if we began fostering a culture where vulnerability is seen as strength, and where seeking support is a sign of courage, not weakness?
Imagine a world where young people feel empowered to explore their passions without the crushing weight of constant comparison. A world where the beauty of a blooming flower holds more value than a perfect score. A world where connection, kindness, and simply being are celebrated as great achievements by themselves.
This isn't to say that ambition and striving for excellence are inherently wrong. But perhaps the key lies in finding a healthier balance and encouraging growth without sacrificing well-being and also aiming high while appreciating the journey and the simple joys that surround us every day.
Let's consciously try to cultivate a supportive, non-judgmental environment we so naturally offered during those first baby steps. Let's remind ourselves and our children that their worth isn't defined by external metrics, but by the unique and beautiful individuals they are.
It’s time we shift our perspective since life is not meant to be a race with only a few winners. Life is a journey, a beautiful one, meant to be savored. The blue skies don’t ask for our resumes. The sun doesn’t care about our paychecks. The mountains don’t judge our social status. The breeze, the moonlight, the stars are all gifts, reminding us of the beauty of being alive.
So, let us pause and remember that the greatest joys come not from achievements, but from connections; from a heartfelt conversation, a hug, a walk in nature, a shared silence.
Why as a society have we forgotten that each individual is different, has different capacities with their own pace and path? Why do we shame those who don't make it or those who choose to simply be rather than constantly prove themselves ? We need to figure out why did we start equating a child’s report card with their entire future? When did we begin to believe that only the toppers, the ten-pointers, the winners, and most beautiful deserve to feel proud?
And more importantly, why does this happen?
No doubts it's a complex interplay of societal factors. There is no denial of the fact that, the world in which we live now emphasizes more on external validation like grades, titles and material possessions. Social media, while connecting us in many ways, also inadvertently fuels a culture of comparison, where curated highlight reels can leave us feeling inferior. The education system, while aiming to foster growth, inadvertently prioritizes marks over the joy of learning itself. And , even well-meaning parental aspirations sometimes get translated into unintentional pressure by parents.
But let's pause and reflect , Is life truly just a race, or is it an opportunity to savour the breathtaking beauty around us? Think of the vibrant hues of a sunset adding beauty to the sky, the quiet strength of the mountains standing tall, the lovely rhythm with which waves of the ocean meet the shore, the laughter shared with loved ones that spreads warmth.These moments and connections are the very essence of life, aren't they? They nourish our souls in ways that a report card or a promotion just cannot.
So what can we do to consciously shift our focus, for ourselves and for the generations to come? Shouldn't we start nurturing the intrinsic joy of learning and celebrating effort and resilience once again? What if we began fostering a culture where vulnerability is seen as strength, and where seeking support is a sign of courage, not weakness?
Imagine a world where young people feel empowered to explore their passions without the crushing weight of constant comparison. A world where the beauty of a blooming flower holds more value than a perfect score. A world where connection, kindness, and simply being are celebrated as great achievements by themselves.
This isn't to say that ambition and striving for excellence are inherently wrong. But perhaps the key lies in finding a healthier balance and encouraging growth without sacrificing well-being and also aiming high while appreciating the journey and the simple joys that surround us every day.
Let's consciously try to cultivate a supportive, non-judgmental environment we so naturally offered during those first baby steps. Let's remind ourselves and our children that their worth isn't defined by external metrics, but by the unique and beautiful individuals they are.
It’s time we shift our perspective since life is not meant to be a race with only a few winners. Life is a journey, a beautiful one, meant to be savored. The blue skies don’t ask for our resumes. The sun doesn’t care about our paychecks. The mountains don’t judge our social status. The breeze, the moonlight, the stars are all gifts, reminding us of the beauty of being alive.
So, let us pause and remember that the greatest joys come not from achievements, but from connections; from a heartfelt conversation, a hug, a walk in nature, a shared silence.
Let us teach our children not just how to run, but how to rise when they fall and also rest. Not just how to compete, but how to coexist. Not just how to win, but how to wonder.
There is no shame in taking life slowly. No shame in choosing peace over pressure. No shame in simply being because life, in all its fullness, is not a race to the top. It's a chance, a precious, fleeting chance we get only once to love, to learn, and to live with joy and it must therefore not be wasted.
So let's breath, relax and move forward to bring back the calm of "aaram se"...
There is no shame in taking life slowly. No shame in choosing peace over pressure. No shame in simply being because life, in all its fullness, is not a race to the top. It's a chance, a precious, fleeting chance we get only once to love, to learn, and to live with joy and it must therefore not be wasted.
So let's breath, relax and move forward to bring back the calm of "aaram se"...
R. Vimala, IAS,
Compassionate Civil Servant &
PhD Scholar at IIT Bombay
Very well expressed Vimala
ReplyDeleteVery minutely observed and very well penned
ReplyDelete