The quiet crisis: Have We Stopped Listening?

The quiet crisis: Have We Stopped Listening?

It is said that God gave us one mouth and two ears so we might listen twice as much as we speak. It’s a simple piece of wisdom yet somewhere along the way, we seem to have collectively forgotten it.

Listening is rapidly becoming a lost art along with genuine human connections.Go through your last few conversations in your mind. Chances are, they ended before they even truly began.You start to share something personal, something close to your heart and before you can finish the first sentence, the other person jumps in with , “Oh, I know exactly what you mean!”, “That happened to me too, only worse!”, “You should just do X, Y, and Z.”

And soon enough, your words are no longer yours. You stop mid-sentence, a half-smile on your face, the initial warmth draining away. You realize they weren't actually listening to you, they were simply waiting to speak. They weren't processing your words; they were composing their reply.This isn't just being rude; it’s a crisis of connection.

This epidemic of inattentiveness seems to be catching on quickly  everywhere. At times in offices , a colleague may  approach a manager to discuss an issue, but before he or she can speak or explain the situation, they are interrupted by the manager with a pre-packaged solution that may just not address the core problem. The colleague walks away feeling unheard and frustrated or hurt. 

 At home,  partners have monologues or talk at each other instead of talking with each other, escalating small disagreements into full-blown arguments. So many misunderstandings and so many frictions in relationships begin not from words said but from words never truly listened to.  

And then there is the rush to be right. We even see it on game shows with  contestants eager to prove themselves, buzzing in on the answer button too soon, missing the answer and losing only because they never truly listened to the question’s end.  

We seem to be doing this constantly in life. We are simply rushing, rushing to respond, to conclude, to be right, to get our point across and in that rush, we miss the crucial the wisdom that often lies in holding back our words just to listen.

Listening, I have come to realize, is not just a polite pause between your own sentences. It's a profound, active gesture.

It's an act of respect that says, “You matter enough for me to step outside myself and my world to be with you in your world for a moment.”  

In our fast-paced, opinion-driven world, this kind of true listening has become rare. And as it fades, so does genuine connection.

Imagine if we all agreed to slow down, hold back our response for a moment longer and truly listen ,not to reply, not to debate, but simply to understand. Perhaps fewer hearts would ache from the burden of being unheard because sometimes, what a person needs most is not advice, not a solution, and certainly not an interruption. All they need is a willing, quiet ear.

So just sit back and think , do you catch yourself always rushing to speak , say something, instead of consciously listening ?

In reality listening is so basic, that we forget that it is also a skill and yet, most of us imagine ourselves far better listeners than we are.  

How many of us have sat across with someone to pour out our feelings only to notice their eyes flicking to their phone, their posture drifting away, their attention somewhere else?

Nothing feels worse than being unheard by those we count on for understanding. 

To truly listen is more than just hearing words. In fact ,listening is so central, so woven into human existence, that when it’s missing, we notice its absence more than its presence. At times, instead of learning to manage our own emotionality to handle difficult conversations, we avoid them altogether. Paradoxically, these days we may have more ways to communicate but have lesser time for conversation which is like a dance of roles. To share a feeling, there must be one willing to talk and another open to hear. 

Today, our digital lives are also expressions of this yearning.  A photo or status, posted to social media, is a thread cast into the digital sea, hoping for others to bear witness. So when we  see  our stories met with silence, we feel the ache of being invisible, just as we would be if we were ignored in person.

Whether we speak face-to-face or through electronic communication, we are still giving voice to our need to be heard. Even what we call “reassurance” is not listening because to be listened to is the way we discover ourselves as understandable, even acceptable.  

We therfore deeply value those who listen, sometimes even love them because when they give us their attention, we feel momentarily whole.  

Sometimes our conversations don’t even rise to the level of dialogue they are monologues punctuated by silence. When we understand the healing force of true listening, we can become brave enough to hear what makes us uncomfortable.

But when we take the time to feel the emotion beneath another’s words to hear the pain beneath anger, the resentment behind avoidance, the vulnerability inside impatience we give ourselves the power to soothe the bitterness that probably divides us.

Being heard is a deep need which makes us feel taken seriously, expressed, validated, acknowledged, appreciated, cared for and connected to others. The receptive listener helps us clarify what we think and feel, nourishing our experience of self.  By confirming what is understandable in us, the listener affirms our shared humanity.  

When we are not listened to, we feel cut off, unappreciated, alone.No number of “likes,” hearts, or emojis will ever nourish you as fully as one moment of undivided listening. Being listened to is like food and drink to the heart. 

The seeds of such attentive listening are sown in our  childhood. Parents who listen make their children feel worthwhile and appreciated and help them build a secure self. Such children develop their own unique talents and ideals to approach relationships with confidence. Most of us can imagine a mother with smiling eyes listening enthusiastically to a child eagerly describing some triumph or a father comforting a sad-faced toddler crying over some minor tragedy. And we also know how bad it feels to watch a parent reduce a child to tears of humiliation for making a mistake. How early or how profoundly the quality of listening begins to shape their character may not be obvious but they do have an impact a child's psyche. 

Even infants thrive on attentive listening. A baby’s cries and smiles are calls to be heard and parental attunement is social nourishment. Parents constantly adjust, intuitively listening, as the child’s needs and skills grow. A child who has been truly listened to finds it natural to seek help; one who has not may become quiet and seek solace in silence instead of support.

We do grow out of childhood, but not out of this need to be taken seriously, to have our feelings honoured and be heard. The ability  to understand not only what is said, but what is felt is empathy and listening with attention can instil a sense of belonging by removing  thoughts of being isolated. So  whenever someone approaches us to share their thoughts we can offer our complete attention by keeping away distractions and holding back judgments. 

The power to heal, inspire, and uplift lives is there in every ear that chooses to listen. Let’s begin to listen not just with our ears, but with our hearts.

R.Vimala, IAS, 

Resident Commissione Maharashtra,

Compassionate Civil Servant and PhD Scholar at IIT Bombay