In Touch But Out Of Touch....

It was sometime in 1998 that i got my first mobile phone during the Lok Sabha Elections. Pagers were in vogue then but the sudden apperance of mobiles made them unfashionable. Every person's dream now was to acquire a mobile. I was no different. The cost of mobiles were repulsive and the amount to be paid for making and receiving , yes, yes, receiving calls was more. I had been appointed as the Returning Officer of the Mulund Constituency for the Vidhan Sabha and the ARO for Lok Sabha Elections and due to the importance of the elections and the introduction of Electronic Voting Machines for the first time and such other reasons we were permitted to use mobile phones for the smooth conduct of elections. And so i became a proud and beaming owner of a mobile phone. 

I was careful in its usage ensuring that i don't use up too much of talk time for making or receiving calls. The tempataion to hold on to the device after the end of the elections was natural. Giving up that confort of being accessible anywhere, anytime and also being among the limited few who owned handsets was impossible. That was the beginning of me getting hooked on to a mobile. I later got transferred to organisations which permitted use of mobile phones and reimbursed the expenditure and so the mobile phone became an inseparable part of my stationery. 

Over the years the brands and models changed and with each passing year new features came in. 

However it was the introduction of internet and smart phones which transformed lives. The fascination of being connected through internet in seconds through email which later gave way to more advance social media platforms like facebook was addictive. Slowly came the age of skype and now watsap, telegram, viber endless apps to connect with people. Each new feature ensured alienation of the age of warm conversations. 

Every member in the family including school going children now have smart phones. We may be among the few parents who have not given a mobile phone to our child at the cost of being termed old-fashioned. From vegetable vendors to grocers, electrician to plumber all have mobiles. Maybe it enhabces their business but it also brings with it the added dangers of being cut off from your immediate kith and kin. And wi-fi is the new oxygen without which most of us cannot survive. The age of wi-fi has made us all so greedy for free network that not getting tea during a social visit can be overlooked but not getting the wi-fi password at a friend's home upsets us more.

Family members and friends are more happy and comfortable communiucating on watsap and facebook instead of making conversation with each other. Honestly it is difficult for me also on most ocassions to restrain seeing watsap and FB messages even when i am in the company of my loved ones and family. 

Mobiles have replaced watches, music systems, torches, books, cameras and knowledge systems. Googling for information has become so easy, finding our way somewhere even easier with maps. Work pressures have added up due to easy accessibilty and due to social media we continue to work into the nights making and receiving calls and replying to messages. Not being proactive on phone after office hours is not accepted any more. 

Mobiles have connected us to a surreal world but we are losing touch with family and friends. The warm conversations, the rapt attention, the loving glances and togetherness are all lost today. The light and radiation lead to sleepless nights and unsettled mind. Yet it has become so difficult for mature adults to avoid roving of their eyes for that message or joke, that song or sermon, that photo or video. There are instances of extreme addiction requiring medication too. 

Why has it become so difficult be present in the present? What is it that attracts us to that touch of the phone? Is it smarter? Or are we making fools of ourselves by connecting to a make belief world when we could have the world at our own feet provided we reunderstand the value of nourishing relationships , devote time to reading, engage ourselves in interesting conversation, respond in a manner to reach out to a person so that he feels wanted enough to talk. 

Would we stop becoming slaves of an instrument which has become smarter than us? Would we relearn to be in touch with humans and out of touch from the smart phones????

Chellam....

The fourth born and youngest in the family, I have the privilege of being the apple of the eye of the entire family. To a large extent our extended family of relatives and friends continued the pampering. But it was Appa whose favourite i always was and still am. I was also therefore known as Appa's chellam...meaning pet.

My early memories of Appa who was an engineer in the Central Railways are of an extremely industrious and hardworking person. He used to begin his day with prayers and was off to work by 8 a.m. As an Electrical Foreman there was a lot of field work and he used to rush off walking to office. Keeping speed with him was a task for most of his colleagues and juniors. They doted on his sincerity and knowledge. His dedication and commitment to stand by the field technicians gave them confidence so much so that if there was failure or breakdown of any big electrical transformer he would be sought out by all to offer expert advice in resolving the matter. 

Our interactions with him used to be at night when everyday we used to sing the arati 'Om Jai Jagdish Hare'. Essentially he never interfered in our day to day lives. Never checked about our studies. Probably the fact that our eldest brother Rajan was studious made him nonchalant. Our sister Malathi was the epitome of sincerity . My other older brother Gopal and me probably derived a sense of devotion to study from them. We came to know much later when all of us had graduated that Appa's annual visits to school gave him a sense of pride. He ended up hearing praises that his four children were sincere and studious.

Maybe Appa derived his sense of satisfaction from that for I have never seen him scolding any of us any time in our lives. The only time i faced his wrath was at the mention of eating egg omlette during a train journey. I was so petrified at his reaction that I quietly chose the cutlet. I was shocked that he did not eat anything after that being upset. Ever since then i took care never to hurt him. His love was bestowed on me by small gestures of giving me little trinkets and buying me more clothes compared to others. A higher sum was always kept for me.I was also the only child who got pocket money in school and could even spend it on bubblegum. He was generous to sacrifice his comforts to buy things for us. It was a hand to mouth existence but he and Amma ensured we got the best possible education with my brother going to IIT and the three others graduating from premier institutions. At office he was known to be extremely strict and short tempered. My mother Amma used to tell us anecdotes of his anger at work on any dereliction of duty. I also remember his staff shuddering if they didn't complete their task. He loved listening to radio in the evenings when he was home and Binaca Geet Mala would be the favourite with him jokingly talking of 'Badaan' as mentioned by Ameen Sayani. It was a life of simplicity with no frills. Every weekend we used to go to Hanuman mandir as a family and pray together. 

Staying in the quarters allocated to him was fun with a lovely rose garden and a courtyard. On his promotion we moved to a bigger bungalow with a lovely swing and lovelier gardens. My brothers had shifted for work and studies and sister married. I was the only one left with Appa and it used to be fun chatting at times. Our grandmother came to stay over occasionally and he then became a doting son. His affection for my mother was more subtle often unexpressed and that perhaps was the greatest grief of her life. I kept telling her often that he loved her in his own way and that some men are unable to express love but the woe remained with her. What also upset her was their inability to build a house. The brunt of bringing up four children, educating them and marrying them in the modest salary made it impossible. Appa derived pleasure from the fact that his children settled well and took care of them, his sons-in-law included but Amma bore the grudge. She probably was at the receiving end of not being independent despite retiring as an engineer with a pension. That sense of pride of not having a home of their own and creature comforts from one's spouse remained in her mind maybe making her bitter at times Their love for each other would come out in rare moments of togetherness when Amma would shyly share some loving memories. 

Appa's dream was that I become an IAS officer. That i could not make it despite appearing for tha UPSC interview did upset him but he made compromise with happiness when I became a Deputy Collector through MPSC. 

For me they were like the Gibraltar rock. Sportingly coming with me to a remote place like Kudal in Sindhudurg where I was posted for training as Probationary Deputy Collector. Staying with me in a one room kitchen quarter, sleeping on the floor on a mattress and adjusting to use of a trunk as a sofa. They accompanied me in all my postings till I got married. 

There are so many fond memories. I used speak about these sonetimes to Amna and Appa. Off late i haven't been able to speak mostly due to work and at times due to family pressures. 

At a threshold of life when Amma left us suddenly and when one hears of so many sudden deaths and mishaps i felt this urge to write and share the sacrifices made by our parents. As we stand tall wherever we are, we know that if not for them life would have been different. The free atmosphere , the trust and the independence given to us was rare. My mother only a fith pass from a remote village in Kumbanonam of Tamilnadu was a true life partner to our father. Her forthright behaviour and sharp words cut across at times but her death remembering the names of all Gods and visualising them was phenomenal. Only a pure hearted divine person is able to remember God in their last moments and Amma did that. Her gesture of asking for forgiveness from Appa by asking him to pour milk in her mouth a couple of days before she actually went to Vaikuntham are examples that they are special.

Appa derives solace from praying and watching religious channels. He is a wiz at Sudoko and crosswords. His piety keeps him grounded. He never fails to make telephone calls to his siblings and to us everyday. His simple gestures of calling the lift, waving out to us from the balcony when we leave for work are so endearing. I feel blessed to born to such loving parents who nurtured me so well and i don't want to lose this oportunity to tell that to Appa today.