Our adolescent friend.....

Our adolescent friend....

My son became a teenager in June this year. I was amused by the amount of advice I received about handling myself and my son who had stepped into the so-called " terrible teens".
By God's grace , my husband and me share a good rapport with our son. To me, he is more of a friend and mentor. My job keeps me very busy with long hours in office. I am also travelling out of town at times. Yet we have managed to bond well because our channels of communication are open. At home, we shun TV and social media. However the same technology is my friend when I am out of town because I use it to connect with him. Parenting, therefore is more of an art, a skill than a tight-rope walk.
I was pleasantly surprised when I was invited to be a part of a workshop for parents on handling adolescents organised by the newspaper 'The Hindu" at Smt.Sulochanadevi Singhania School, Thane.
Adolescence is that age when the individual is in a phase of transition from childhood to adulthood. It is a period of physical, social and psychological changes in adolescents with the onset of puberty and has therefore been an extremely complex phenomenon, more so now.
The most important way to take care of these growing years is by establishing proper communication between parents and their children.
Handling a child at the foothold of adolescence can be challenging for any parent. At the workshop for parents, noted psychologist, art and dance exponent and poet, Dr.Tushar Guha, was the keynote speaker. He brought out the complexities involved in the upbringing of adolescents. He emphasised on the fact that parents often overlook the finer details in the transitional phase and start behaving differently. They stop cootchy-cooing with children immediately after they go to school. They also start expecting too much from the adolescent child. The child who had been showered with all the the attention feels lost suddenly when parents become business-like after their child starts going to school. The conversation gets limited to finishing tiffin, what was taught in school, completion of homework etc. Love and affection go out into the thin air. The only following up is on performances as too much emphasis is also laid on marks and ranking. The fact that each child is different and has different qualities and potential is often ignored. The rat race of excelling in every sphere and topping everywhere sets in, probably creating a divide.
He also dwelt on the difference between acquiring degrees, knowledge and education. A truly educated person will be mature and use education for their growth and development. It was also necessary to imbibe a sense of belonging amongst children. This was possible only when they discussed and looked up to their own family with a sense of pride.
Somewhere along the lines we had forgotten to dream. It was important to dream only then we could make appropriate growth in our lives. Reading out fairy tales to children was also extremely relevant to kindle their creativity.
Parenting was not a one- time solution but an evolution of ideas. Parents should also realise adolescence is a phase of transition and give time to the adolescent. It was also important to communicate frequently and appropriately with the adolescent.
Mr. Saumitra Prasad , CMO of Camlin Kokuyo Ltd emphasised on the beauty of the world of colours. The wide range of Camlin products which included pencils, erasers, crayons, colours or the orange-yellow geometry box had touched most people's childhood. It was important to devote at least half an hour every week to drawing and painting because it was the best way to refresh oneself.
In my address, I remembered the novel" The Homecoming " by Nobel Laureate, Rabindranath Tagore wherein he has brought out the awkwardness of adolescence very beautifully. The protagonist Phatik, is fourteen and in comparison with his brother Maakhan, comes in the way of his mother so much so that she sends him away to her brother's house. He too goes away happily only to realise that things are worse there. Pining for his home and mother, he ultimately dies much to the anguish and remorse of the mother.
Adolescence is certainly a delicate time in the life of a child. At our best we must guide them with all options and help them in choosing the right path. It is akin to Krishna guiding Arjuna in the Mahabharata. At no point of time does Krishna direct Arjuna to do something. He always discusses and shows the various paths and  asked Arjuna to choose the correct one. Parents should also be the guiding force bringing out the path of righteousness to the notice of their children and make them choose the right path. They also needed be more mature in this phase of transition of their child as that maturity could not be expected from a child who was yet growing up. They needed to know where to step up and where to step down and discipline their child. Love and discipline need to be used appropriately. The child should never be belittled as that would damage his or her self-esteem. Each child was different from the other and needed to be treated accordingly.
Social norms were also changing, e.g. having a boyfriend or girlfriend had become more acceptable now. Though one should avoid the maze of performance, obtaining good marks and rank in school or college was a matter of concern. It was important to communicate with the child, speak to him /  her to avoid conflicts.
The Principal and Director of Education, Singhania School , Ms.Revathi Srinivasan spoke about the various workshop series on varied subjects being organised by the school for the benefit of the parents.
This one on adolescence was very important as it would facilitate communication between parents and adolescent children. It was important to keep children away from expensive gadgets. They should also be taught to  respect the efforts of made by their parents. Providing mental and moral support to the child was the crux.The value of sharing and caring was being implemented by adopting a middle school at Yeoor hills. In fact the coloring articles given by Camlin to Singhania school would be given to the students there. .
Mr. Vaidyanathan of The Hindu newspaper explained the ideology behind organising such workshops throughout the state and also proposed a vote of thanks.
Managing adolescents may be a challenge but the situation was not as grim. Presently about less than 10% of family with adolescents experience conflicts while only 15-30% of most adolescent experience storm and stress. However handling these would not be difficult if parents and adolescents kept their communication channels open.