6th February and Amma....

6th Februray and Amma....

I got up today morning and remembered the date, 6th February, the day on which our mother left for Vaikuntham. Two years, 730 days, 17520 hours, 10,51,200 minutes , 63072000 seconds without her. Initially these included moments of pain, anguish, sadness and suffering which got transformed into a perpetual sense of loss. In absence of her touch, words and presence feelings of helplessness would often seep in. At times it would be difficult to hold back my tears. Each experience thawed the pain, the anguish , the suffering and the sadness. Time of course is unstoppable and continued to elapse yet the void left behind in my life due to my mother's demise is still unfilled.
Today morning too, I missed her so much. Accepting the fact that she is no more is difficult even now. Unknowingly her thoughts creep in and I often feel that she is just around and will just bounce back.
This morning, I lingered on the bed thinking of her and my day ahead which would be full of activity. How much time would I be actually devoting to her memory? Was this day going to pass off like the others with things happening but with her surely on my mind? Or would I be able to spend time looking back and dwelling fondly on memories associated with her?
My earliest memories of my mother was when one day I returned home from school and did not find her home. She had gone to the market and returned home shortly only to find me howling. I settled down as soon as she chided me in her no-nonsensical manner. She was always like that, extremely forthright and unassuming but in that one moment I realised that she was the pillar on which our family rested. Simple, kind and generous she believed in giving more than receiving. We owe our existence to the several sacrifices made by her. Every person who came in touch with her would certainly experience her generosity.
I always wonder how a woman from the remotest village in Tamilnadu managed to live and be comfortable in a city totally different from her village. More astonishing was her ability to communicate in Hindi with ease despite the fact that she had spent over twenty-five years in Tamilnadu and had never spoken the language. Yes , she was very intelligent which is why she knew much of our religious literature by rote and could chant them with ease. An ethereal beauty, Amma, was certainly different in every way.
Her peaceful transition into Vaikutham is reminiscent of the fact that she was a noble soul. Her premonition and the visuals of various God's in her last days reflected as if all Gods were beckoning her. Her peaceful demeanor in death also stood out.
Today, I am able to think of Amma without anguish or pain and with feelings of gratitude, love and affection. She not only encouraged me in performing my duties diligently but has also been proud of my work. She may not be there with me physically but mentally she is always there goading me to put in the very best in every single thing I do. That is what mother's are for , to love unconditionally and support unflinchingly.
6th February's may come and go but her special memories will always remain just like the legacy of her love.