Leading by Example : Mastaanbi

Chapter 6 Leading by example: Mastaanbi....

 Mastaanbi sat on the ground. She had come all the way to Mumbai with members of the Ekal Mahila Sanghatna carrying her one year old baby in arms for a morcha. She felt exhausted and sweaty in the humid heat of Mumbai. Their leader was raising slogans and appealing for justice for single women, a group which consists of separated, deserted, divorced and widowed women who are largely ignored. Mastaanbi had been separated from her husband and had joined the organisation recently. She was one among the few educated women in her village and had therefore been asked to join the morcha in Mumbai. Mastaanbi definitely had a spark in her or else she too wouldn’t have dared to come to Mumbai with her child. She was a ray of hope for women who had been deserted or ill-treated by their husbands as she had managed to get over her trauma and was leading a life of dignity.

Mastaanbi was the second daughter in the family of eight children. She was born into a poor Muslim family had four sisters and three brothers. It was a typically impoverished rural home with two hands to works and ten mouths to feed. Mastaanbi’s father struggled to make ends meet yet he ensured that his children went to school and were educated. Mastaanbi had completed her twelfth when her father decided to get her married as girls in conservative rural households rarely studied after that. Also getting her married would lessen the burden on the house. So he went ahead with a proposal received for Mastaanbi since the family was well-to-do even though the boy had not passed his middle school.

Mastaanbi was married as soon as she was eighteen. Her husband’s family was not as big as hers but he had three sisters and a brother. It was a joint family where she had to stay with her mother-in-law, father-in-law and her husband’s younger brother. His sisters had been married. Mastaanbi soon realized that her husband was a heavy drinker and did no work. The agricultural land they had was managed by her father-in-law and her brother-in-law. As a result Mastaanbi was also not respected.  

Mastaanbi’s day was busy with household chores throughout the day. She had to get up early and cook as her father-in-law left for the field early in the morning. Mastaanbi had to do the other things after that which included sweeping the house, washing clothes and utensils, feeding the goat. Her mother-in-law would help occasionally. Mastaanbi would feel very lonely and dejected. Her husband was of no support as he was lost in his world of drinking. He overslept on most days and would while away time even after he got up. One day Mastaanbi mustered enough courage to ask him why he did nothing. Infuriated by her insolence he beat her mercilessly. Getting beaten thereafter became a routine as her husband would come back drunk and beat her up on the slightest pretext. Mastaanbi looked to her in-laws for support in vain.

She chose to suffer in silence and not tell her parents as she was concerned about her younger sisters who were yet to be married. Her greatest fear was that they would not be able to get a suitable match if she went back to her parents. She therefore bore all the brutalities of her husband who behaved badly each day knowing fully well how helpless she was. This continued when Mastaanbi was pregnant also. Not much changed after their son was born. Despite becoming a father her husband never took over the responsibility of the family. His drinking bouts too did not reduce. The responsibilities on Mastaanbi however kept on increasing.

It was the festival of Ramzaan and Mastaanbi was resting after completing her work one day. She was fasting and would get more tired than usual. She had barely closed her eyes and laid down with her baby when her husband walked in abusing her of lazing and doing no work. He became violent and caught her by the hair. Mastaanbi managed to free herself and run out of the house. To her shock she was followed by her husband and his brother who started throwing bricks and stones at her. She was forced to return when they threatened to beat the child. Mastaanbi returned to be beaten black and blue and almost became unconscious with pain. When she recovered her sense she was unable to control herself from calling her parents who came immediately. When she said she wanted go with them her husband told her to leave with the child. Maastanbi left quietly deciding never to return.

 Her husband and in-laws realized their folly soon when they found it difficult to manage the house without her and so they went to her parent’s home to bring her back. They even threatened to burn her if she did not return. Mastaanbi was worried that her parents would send her back however good sense prevailed over them as they felt that sending her and the baby back was not without danger and refused to do so. That was the turning point in Mastaanbi’s life which ultimately led to her transformation.

Mastaanbi’s father passed way a few days after she returned to her maternal home. Initially her days were empty. She felt her life was full of sadness and wondered how she would manage to take good care of her son. One day representatives of Ekal Mahila Sanghatna, an organisation which works for single, deserted and separated women came to their village and conducted a meeting in which they invited all women. Mastaanbi attended it and was very impressed by their activities. She suddenly found hope because the organisation not only trained deserted and separated women but also helped them to start their businesses or get a job. They saw that Mastaanbi was an undergraduate and felt she had the potential to grow as a community resource person in the organisation but they wondered whether she would join since she was a Muslim. Mastaanbi sought permission to speak to her mother and other members of the family. She gave all details to her mother who was concerned what the members of the society would say. Mastaanbi was convinced that she would never get such a good opportunity again and told her mother that, “If we are good and have good things in mind then others too would be good.” To which her mother replied, “Then you decide what you want! It is your choice.”

Mastaanbi did not think twice and joined Ekal Mahila Sanghatna immediately. She had no experience of working but the organisation ensured that she was trained in all aspects and became confident to work for single women. They knew she had the qualities and capacity and groomed her in her work. They had noticed her spark as she had travelled all the way to Mumbai with a child in arms barely two months after joining the organisation.

Back from Mumbai she knew that despite being alone she was not alone any more as she had the support of such a strong organisation. Earlier she would be afraid to step out of her home specially since she was a Muslim but she didn’t feel afraid any more. What gave her great satisfaction was the fact that she was working for the poor and needy women like herself and giving them support. Earlier she would feel her life was terrible but the woes of other women aroused her empathy and she felt happy that she was educated so could find a way out. The reactions of the people or what they said also did not affect her any more.

Her confidence to speak with higher ups and officials is something which made her smile as she could see herself having changed from one who was scared to meet officers or other authorities to one who leads a morcha. She was more like an idol who was looked up to by many other women for inspiration now. She knew that had she remained at home she would never have become what she was now. The organisation pays her an honorarium of Rs.6000/-and she also sells bangles in her free time thus earning Rs.6000/-additionally. Her son and brothers were therefore getting all the support they need. She dreamt of them doing well and settling well in jobs. She stood rock solid as a support for one of her sisters who also had to separate due to her abusive husband because she knew what it was to suffer and did not want her sister to suffer like that. In fact Mastaanbi became the hope for all separated women in her village.

She got a ration card made in her name but has been smart in kept her son’s name in his father’s ration card as she is aware of property rights and did not want her son to be deprived of his inheritance and legal rights. She has even filed an FIR to ensure that his rights are protected.

Her husband had married again but his second wife left him too because of his habits. Thereafter he came to take Mastaanbi back but she refused not only him but also the Sarpanch who had come to mediate on behalf of her husband. “Where were you, when I was suffering and asking for help?” “Why have you come now?” she questioned defiantly.

Of course her day is challenging as she has to leave in the morning on field trips. Each day she visits homes in the villages which have been allocated to her and offers support to single women who are deserted, separated, divorced or widowed. Her main task is to counsel them and guide them, help them in making their case, informing them about government schemes, getting them and their children admitted to schools and support them in any other way they want.

She is able to manage because her mother takes care of the house and her son and also makes her tiffin. Each day she leaves at 7 a.m. with her water bottle, tiffin and umbrella. At times her friends give her food. She travels by bus or three wheeler and returns home by six in the evening. She has been doing this for three years and is happy that she got this opportunity. She is satisfied but clearly says that “What happened with me, should not happen to anyone else.” Thank you Ekal Mahila Sanghatana.