Radha's Story : A real life saga

 

Radha’s Story….

 “ Radha….Raadhaaa….”, she could hear her father calling out to her loudly, his tone conveying anger and annoyance. Radha hid behind her mother imploring with her eyes to intervene. Her body was quivering with fear more so when she heard him say, “How could she do this? She is bringing so much dishonour to me and the family. I just cannot agree to this proposal. My self-respect is at stake.”

Radha’s mother Sita stood quietly. In all these years of her marriage to Prakash she knew that staying calm was the best solution. She had asked Radha also not to utter a word. She would speak to him after he had vented his feelings. It was natural for him to be agitated as Radha had made her own decision to marry Gaurav. The community to which they belonged was conservative and marriages of their children especially girls were finalised by the parents. And here Radha was in love with Gaurav and wanted to marry him. Tolerating Radha’s brazenness was difficult for Prakash. Her mother tried her best to explain to him that times were changing but he was adamant. The tension in the house was palpable. Radha was not allowed to go to college and was sulking at home. She kept looking at her mother with pleading eyes but Sita chose to be unresponsive.

Radha was the eldest daughter of Sita and Prakash who had another son and daughter. Radha was a favourite as she was good in her studies and quick in her work at home and also was very idealistic. When she was about eleven she would regularly watch a television serial which had a tribal lady officer as the protagonist. Radha would be inspired looking at her struggles and her dynamism. “I want to be like her, Baba and do something for the society”, she said. Her father felt proud that she had dreams of achieving something in life. He encouraged her to study and she also devoted a lot of time to it. Radha was therefore not the usual village girl as she did not dream of being a teacher or a beautician like other village girls but was keen to work for the welfare of the society. Her parents wondered what attracted her to Gaurav. She was in the second year of her college and he had not studied after his higher secondary. However he started working as an exporter and dealt with three districts of Pune, Satara, Solapur and was making good money. Since they were from the same town they used to bump into each other. They became friends and started meeting and before long both were head over heels in love with each other. Marriages in India are confined to communities and fortunately Radha and Gaurav belonged to the same community yet her father felt shameful that she had chosen her own life partner. His pride was wounded as he was well-known in political circles. Sita had a tough time in convincing him.

At Gaurav’s place too things were not very smooth. He had four sisters and a brother. His parents were not very happy with his decision but it was his brother Saurav who was unhappiest with Gaurav’s decision to marry Radha. He wanted a girl from a well-to-do family for Gaurav so along with his wife he tried his best to dissuade him but Gaurav was firm. “If you want me to marry then I shall marry Radha only”, he said and ultimately convinced his parents to meet Radha’s parents and ask for her hand for him.

Gaurav’s parents came to meet Radha’s parents along with her uncle and aunt who helped in mediation. Her father finally conceded after a lot of convincing. The wedding took place with great pomp with all family members including Gaurav’s brother, his wife, their four sisters and their family.

Gaurav’s family was a typically Indian joint family but soon after his marriage, Saurav insisted that he and Radha stay separately in another home. Gaurav had to be out for most days of the month due to his job as an exporter. Radha found it difficult to manage the home by herself. She was not supported by her in-laws or Saurav and his wife. In fact they tried to cause a rift between them both over petty issues in the family. Her mother-in-law was old fashioned and expected Radha to be confined to the house. Radha had given up her studies and was fully devoted to her home. She managed the house, cooked and took care of everything. Yet there were constant complaints that she did nothing. She was also forced to keep her saree pallu on her head constantly. Radha tolerated all this since marrying Gaurav had been her decision. However she felt stifled without any freedom. Within three months of her marriage she realised that she was lost and unhappy in her marriage.

“I am doing all that is possible to make you happy. I get up early, clean the house, cook, wash clothes and utensils. I maintain good relations with your parents, brother and family and mingle with them. What more do you expect? “She asked Gaurav. She tried to reason with him however he also seemed to be different from what he was before their wedding. He would barely have any time to speak to her. He also started consuming alcohol and abusing Radha physically and verbally but she felt worse when she was viewed suspiciously. He felt that she was easy with other men and was not allowed to step out of home, she could not meet anybody nor was anyone allowed to visit their house. One day Gaurav without any thought resigned from his job. “Why did you leave the job?” asked Radha and he vaguely replied that he would search for a job nearby but getting re-employed was not easy. Being jobless and at home all day he was more frustrated. He spent most of his time drinking and became more violent. Radha was in a predicament but she could not share her troubles with her family as she had chosen to marry Gaurav. Her mother noticed that she wasn’t her bubbly self and realised that she was unhappy. “What is the matter Radha? You don’t seem to be happy”, she said one day.   Radha said nothing as she felt embarrassed to say that she had made a wrong choice.  She hoped things would improve and pulled on with their marriage.

During the festival season Radha decided to groom herself and got her eyebrows shaped from the beauty parlour. Gaurav was furious, “What have you done? Why did you this without asking me?” he screamed, beating her violently. Radha wailed in pain and lost consciousness with his constant beating. Gaurav ignored her and continued with his drinking. On gaining consciousness she felt trapped and was overcome with sorrow. She had been seeing a doctor who had prescribed sleeping pills unable to control her grief she took an overdose of pills. Gaurav panicked and rushed her to the hospital where she was admitted. Her parents and in-laws came immediately. Her mother stood by her and stayed with her in the hospital giving her the moral support.

“I don’t want to stay with Gaurav! Please take me with you.” Radha sobbed uncontrollably. Her mother consoled her and said, “Don’t worry! Get well soon, we will take you home.” On discharge from the hospital, Radha went to her parents’ home. Her parents, brother and sister cheered her up and made her feel better. She felt so much at home and at peace. “Thank you aai, for bringing me here.” she said one morning. Sita smiled back and sat down besides her saying that she wanted to speak to her. More than a month had passed since Radha had come to stay with them. As a practice married girls would not stay for such long periods in their maternal home. It was difficult to hold back the gossip and the comments about Radha not going back to her husband’s place. “After all that is where she belonged!” they said.  Sita was hesitant to broach the topic but finally said to Radha, “I can understand you have been through a lot but a wife’s place is with the husband.” Radha was upset but was not prepared to go back and said, “I don’t want to go”. Her mother tried convincing her by saying that maybe having a child would cement the relationship. Radha was overcome by a feeling of hopelessness, she didn’t want to go back but she knew that staying back for more time would be difficult. She pleaded to her parents that as an adequate precaution Gaurav should be asked to commit good behaviour on oath in front of a magistrate. She felt that swearing him on good behaviour was her only hope. Gaurav conceded to it because he also wanted her back and therefore he readily took oath of good behaviour in the magistrate’s court. Radha went back with Gaurav. He had managed to find a new job and though the salary was not very high it helped them survive. Radha too settled back again and continued with her routine. She became pregnant soon thereafter. Things were under control for just a few days after which Gaurav started misbehaving again with Radha even though she was pregnant. He felt he was not being respected and was constantly irritated. He picked quarrels with Radha on little issues and went back to his old ways. Radha was unable to understand the reason for his indifferent behaviour. ‘’This is such an important phase in our life, soon our child will be born. Let us work on our relationship”, she pleaded. Her requests fell on deaf ears. Radha continued to bear with his bad behaviour till it was time for her delivery. As is the norm in Indian homes, her parents came to take her to their place for the delivery and Radha was really relived. Her days and nights became peaceful and she also received a lot of her care from her mother.

“I am so grateful to you, aai” she said one morning. Eight months of my pregnancy went by without anyone taking care of me. Wouldn’t you say, that husbands and their family pamper girls and make them feel very special in their first pregnancy? No one bothered to even think of my comforts. I cannot believe yet that my husband tortured me so much in this important phase of our lives.” Sita held her hand and comforted her. “Be happy, now that you are here. Things will be alright. Once your baby is born everything will be fine. Just wait and see.” she said. Radha smiled back at her mother and but her heart cringed thinking of Gaurav. Would their baby really make any difference to their relationship?

Gaurav used to visit her occasionally at her mother’s place and Radha found herself becoming distant from him. She neither looked forward to him nor his visits. She found solace in the company of her parents and her brother. Soon she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Her parents were excited to become grandparents. Gaurav and his parents also came for the naming ceremony and the celebrations. Gaurav had re-joined work as an exporter in the company he worked for before. Radha continued to stay for a couple of months with her parents but her peace would be shattered whenever Gaurav visited her because they would always end up arguing. Sita tried to make them both reason without much success.

Surprisingly, Saurav and his wife came to their rescue by offering to take Radha, Gaurav and the baby to their home. Radha went with great hesitation. Gaurav used to be away on work and Radha managed well at his brother’s place except when he came home. The quarrels would start then leading to a lot of unpleasantness. Just one month after they went to stay at Saurav’s place the whole family was upset with the fights between Radha and Gaurav. They felt it was affecting their family and advised them to go their own way. Gaurav and Radha had to search for a place and shift with their baby. Things became worse thereafter when Gaurav started drinking heavily and beating her without reason. One day in his inebriated state he beat Radha mercilessly and also started beating their daughter who was barely six months. It was a great shock for Radha. Tiil now she had borne all the sufferings and pain in silence she felt horrified to see the pain inflicted on her innocent baby. “Enough is enough!” she said and walked out of their home with her baby.

It was middle of the night when she stepped out of their home with the baby in her arms. It was dark except for the moon and twinkling stars in the sky. The darkness of the night symbolised the state of her mind. Her mind was flooded with emotions, the humiliation by her husband, his insensitivity towards their child, the reaction of her parents when she would reach their place at night. The walk to her parents’ house from her marital home was about twenty minutes. She walked hurriedly almost running at times as if chased by the demons of sorrow. She rang the doorbell of her parents’ home with shivering hands. She waited with baited breath for the door to open. It was her father who opened it as expected and was shocked to see her in a dishevelled state. “What happened?” he asked. Radha burst into tears. Hearing her cries her mother rushed out wondering what was happening. Radha handed over her daughter to her and sobbed uncontrollably. Her mother tried to console her and ask what happened but Radha was in no state to share her grief. She kept crying till she was finally overcome by sleep.

Sita and Prakash waited till morning to hear from their daughter about what had transpired the previous night. Radha narrated all that had happened and also told them about her decision to never go back. “It is a question of my self-respect” she said. She was afraid that once again they would counsel her about going back to her husband but her trauma was visible to her parents. They also could not tolerate the thought of Gaurav causing harm to an innocent infant. They felt Radha had taken the right decision and supported her wholeheartedly.

Of course her in-laws and Gaurav were alarmed at her decision, came to meet her and tried to persuade her to return but Radha was firm in her decision and did not go back.  Her immediate concern was to become financially independent. She did not want to be a burden on her parents. She had not completed her graduation after marriage. She set out to re-register herself for graduation. At the same time she started looking out for jobs. She was employed immediately by a small firm as a lady security guard. Luckily for her soon there was an opening for a better job in a dairy industry and she managed to get a job there with an increase in her salary. She had managed to complete her graduation while working but realised that the jobs she was getting were not satisfactory. She felt that she would not be able to do full justice to her daughter’s upbringing unless she had a better job. However without a professional degree it was impossible for her to get a good position. Her desire to do something for society was still there in her mind.

One day during lunch she broached the topic with her parents. “Aai, Baba I have completed my graduation but I will not be able to get a good job with this. A Master’s degree in Social Work would give me better opportunities and would also help me do something for the society. However I will have to go to study at Ahmednagar and also not be able to take my daughter with me.” Her mother immediately offered to take care of her daughter. They even agreed to support her financially in her studies. Radha got admission in MSW and completed it with a first class. Within no time she was  offered a job as a CSR executive in Dairy industry she had been working. There was big jump in her salary and she was also able to work for a social cause of upliftment of women. The work gave her great satisfaction. Within a year there was a vacancy in a government organisation. Radha applied for it appeared for the competitive exam and interview and was selected. Her joy knew no bounds. Her parents also felt very satisfied that she had joined a prestigious organisation.

 Gaurav did make an effort to patch up and pleaded her to come back but Radha had found her calling. She had a job where she could work for the welfare of women. From being a victim she had moved on and become a victor. She did not want to lose her self-respect and dignity again. She had filed a case for maintenance in the court but the matter kept getting adjourned. Radha would feel very depressed on every hearing. Her family felt she should at least get financial support for their daughter from Gaurav but after getting a good job she felt it was futile to ask for money and pursue a matter which had been pending for so many years. She stopped going to the court. She ensured that her daughter was admitted to a good school.

She feels indebted to her parents who supported her wholeheartedly despite the fact that her wrong choice in marriage had been the cause of so much concern. Her world centres around them as without their support it would have been impossible to put her derailed life on track. Of course she also has become the most important part of the family. Her brother also gave her good moral and mental support. No decisions are taken without discussing with her and many times her decision is final. Her parents are concerned that she is young and has to live a long life ahead and therefore suggested she remarry. Initially Radha did give it a thought but the proposed boys expected her to leave her daughter which was impossible for her. Also her parents are getting old and she feels responsible towards them. They had stood by her in her most difficult times and getting married again would separate her from them. She has therefore chosen to be single and work devotedly for the cause of women. She feels that every cloud has a silver lining, if not for her failed marriage she wouldn’t have been where she was.

P.S. Names changed to protect identity