Surekha's Dignity....

Chapter 4

Surekha’s dignity…..

She had just returned after working for five grueling hours in the sun on the landowner’s field. She unlocked the house and pushed open the door. It was a lonely existence. She took a few sips of some cool water from the earthen pot kept on the window sill. Her parched throat was asking for more. Wiping the sweat from her face absentmindedly with her saree pallu Surekha looked exhausted. She walked towards the kitchen and looked at the dry bhakris and chutney she had made in the morning. She ate that on most days and as she placed them on the stainless steel plate today, she let out a sigh. The little hut she lived in had a small room in the front which doubled up as her living room cum sleeping place. There was a small kitchen with a ‘mori’, bathing space inside. She was a part of the self-help group and had got a loan to make a toilet just outside her house. She was happy to be part of the group as it gave her an identity. She would participate actively in the group activities as they would be a change for her tiring day. The interactions with the women would be a respite to her lonesome life. However on most days she worked on the field and had lunch after she came home like she was doing today. She sat on the floor of the small room and had barely eaten the first morsel when her daughter, Pramila rushed in. 

“What happened? Why have you come so hurriedly in this afternoon heat?”  Surekha asked. Pramila said, “ I will tell you, finish eating first.” Surekha ate the bhakris with chutney drank some water and washed her hands. “Tell me .” she said again. Pramila said that there was some emergency at her father’s home and they had to go there. Surekha’s face fell as she had no desire to go to her husband’s place. It was decades since she had left from there and had begun staying with her parents and after their death she had shifted to this house. She was already exhausted after working in the field and did not want to walk in the sun to her husband’s place which was at a walking distance of almost thirty minutes. “ First tell me the reason, what is the urgency? She said. Pramila looked at her wondering how to break the news of Anil’s death to her mother. She finally took a deep breath and declared, “Anil is no more. He passed away an hour ago. Our father had called to convey the news. “ Surekha’s face bore no expression. Anil was her second son who was born with mental deficiencies. He grew up to be a slow learner and eventually dropped out of school and remained mentally challenged. Surekha had tried her best to educate him at the special school but had ultimately left him behind at her husband’s place when she came to stay with her parents.  She was engulfed by guilt and a sudden sense of sadness. Had she done the right thing by leaving her children with her husband when she had walked out? 

Surekha was the only daughter to her parents who had two sons. Her father believed in educating his children and settling them with jobs. His sons completed their graduation and got absorbed in good jobs in the local companies. Surekha was not keen on studying and would constantly run away from school. Her parents tried their best to convince her but Surekha could not even clear ninth grade due to her disinterest in studies. Her father therefore thought it best to get her married. He felt he had found a good match for Surekha in Ganpat. Though it was a big family of five daughters and two sons , Ganpat’s father had a lot of land and Surekha’s father felt that she would be happy. So though Ganpat was a bit older to Surekha he went ahead with the proposal and got them married. Surekha was not very keen but her mother reassured her that this was the best since she did not want to study. She was barely eighteen and her husband was almost thirty. So Surekha had married much against her will. 

Ganpat’s family was warm and forthcoming. His parents took good care of Surekha. He had one brother who was working and stayed separately but he was extremely friendly to Surekha whenever he visited. Ganpat’s sisters were also very affectionate. But things were different when it came to Ganpat. He was neither friendly nor forthcoming and was more self-restrained and uncommunicative. Surekha who was bubbly and full of life found it difficult to get along with him. The age gap also widened their difference and often Surekha would feel lost when Ganpat was around. She related more to other members of the family who she felt understood her better. Two of her sisters-in-law were unmarried as they were twenty and eighteen and gave her good company. However they got married and left to their marital homes and Surekha felt isolated and lonely. She also resented the fact that Ganpat never took her out and neither bought her any gifts nor a single saree. She felt that it was his duty to take her out to the garden, spend time with her and make her feel special but Ganpat was too matter-of-fact and did not understand such things. She would often end up arguing with Ganpat over these issues which were close to her heart. Their tiffs would be resolved by his mother who believed that everything would be alright when their child would be born. 

Surekha did bear three children, one girl and two boys and unfortunately one of the boys was mentally challenged.  Surekha was barely out of her teens and raising three children was a big challenge for her. Though her mother-in-law managed the house and the cooking Surekha had to help in the house. Taking care of a mentally challenged child drained her. Ganpat gave her no physical or moral support and she hated that the most. She felt that they were reasonably well-off to have a good life and a living but Ganpat differed from here and felt such expenses were futile. When differences grew beyond control and Ganpat started abusing her physically she initially confided in her mother-in-law and sisters-in-law who tried to reason with Ganpat. However controlling his violence when he was drunk and frustrated was difficult. One day under the influence of alcohol he hit her violently so she felt that “enough is enough” and walked off to her parents house in the middle of the night. She never went back to him thereafter. She had taken only her daughter with her and left behind the sons because they were the legal heir to his property and she did not want them to lose that. Her parents took care of her and Pramila. Her brothers did come over to meet her on Raksha Bandhan and Bhaubeej but did nothing beyond that. They stayed near their place of work and came occasionally to meet their parents. Each time they came, their parents would talk about Surekha’s security. Her brothers felt she wanted a share in the property and became wary. Both the brothers came together one day and made it clear that the father’s property belonged to them. Their parents were disturbed with the unpleasant conversation. 

Pramila had completed her schooling and was going to college. Surekha’s parents worried about her future. They tried to convince Surekha to compromise with her husband to no avail. They secretly met Ganpat and his parents suggesting Pramila was of marriageable age and should be married. A good match was found for Surekha and she was settled soon. Despite that Surekha could not reconcile with her husband and continued to stay with her parents till they lived. Her brothers did not allow her to stay in the ancestral house once they died and she had shifted to the hutment where she was staying. 

A light touch on her hands by Pramila brought her back to reality and the fact that her son Anil was no more. With tears in her eyes, she hurriedly said, “Let’s go!” All family members had come to Ganpat’s place and the mood was sombre. Sensing her gullibility, her elder son Ram and her daughter Pramila stood by her. She went through the rituals perfunctorily. Her eyes rested on Ganpat occasionally , who looked well-groomed after a recent windfall. Their land had been acquired for an important infrastructure project in lieu of which he had got good money. Their house was also a three floor structure now with a floor each for his parents, himself and his son, Ram who was married. Surekha was emotionless and unconcerned. She felt that her prime years had been lost in abuse and dreaming of creature comforts. These things hardly mattered to her now as her young heart had numbed to live a life without expectations. She touched her mother-in-laws hands lightly, bowed to her and Ganpat’s sister’s and slipped out quietly.

Pramila ran out holding on to her sobbing uncontrollably her eyes pleading to stay back but Surekha kept walking her head held high. Ganpat’s house may have got a facelift but his body language suggested he didn’t seem to have changed much. She had also heard some talk about him seeing another woman. It would be too much to go through all that now.  “Let me go !” She said to Pramila, “ I am happy with my  dignity.” 

P.S. Names changed to protect identity